Who am I supposed to be now?

So often I ask myself this huge question. Because I grew up watching my big people twist themselves into different moulds, I thought it was how I was supposed to adult.

When you are in amongst the trenches of life, so many of us grab a new personality mask, like we are in the kids dress-up section of Kmart.

For many women, they think they need to be a Hero or a People Pleaser at work and then on the way home, to be earth mother and lastly sex kitten.

So when tragedy actually strikes, (and there is no criteria other than your perception of tragedy) so many of us come face to face with our soul, our core, the little kids we were until about 7 or 8. Our conscious mind assess how comfortable we are, to be able to run the grief process. In most cases it's an epic fail. So our mind freezes that moment of hurt, until we are ready to come back and process it.

Yes, you are supposed to come back and process the grief when you are stronger.

Becoming a Widow is considered the biggest of tragedies, the one all humans fear the most. When that strikes, did you know, in the back ground a widow's mind is shutting down all the unnecessary aspects of us, so energy can be focused on survival.

This is commonly know as Widow's fog in western countries. You may have come across other terms. I liken it to the computer clearing back to default settings. Biologically it's our reptilian and mammalian brains turning the neo-cortex "off" for a while.

I am sharing this today because I want you to become aware that it takes a long time for you to reconnect with your "self", to be allowed to pick up the shattered pieces. And they may make no sense now. The purpose of that drama we used to surround ourselves with is often gone, with the death of our partners. The pattern to 'people please' is still in you, but there is no-one to please.

It can create a window for you to take a moment to choose the pieces you want back, the parts of you that really matter; The authentic you.

IT's OK that you focused on everyone else for 30 years, now as a widow you can see clearly for a minute. It's your time. Once the fog lifts you will slowly start to notice that roles might only be needed momentarily and that you have more time to look in the mirror and connect to people who align with you. I look forward to help you.