How Can We Bring More Aliveness Back Into Our Lives as Widows?

This week, I stumbled across a blunt, old-school saying that’s meant to snap people out of a slump: "Get busy living or get busy dying." It’s got a harshness to it, the kind of thing you'd say if life were as straightforward as “just push through.”

But as widows, we know better. Life isn’t that cut-and-dried, and neither is grief. For us, it’s not just a choice between going on or giving up. Grief means letting go of the life we shared, the routines we knew, and the roles we played—and it leaves us empty. It’s like a numbness sets in, the kind that makes even “feeling alive” seem impossible, or even wrong.

Especially for those of us who were caretakers, there’s a deep guilt for just being here. Sometimes, it can feel like we were supposed to go, too. Like we should’ve stayed with them, joined them. And then there’s the part of us that thinks our “life” is over already—that we’ve had our turn.

But here’s the thing. We don’t have to settle for that.

For a while, it feels like going through the motions, maybe because we have kids who need us to keep getting up, or work that pulls us out of bed. But underneath, there’s a quieter part of us waiting, holding its breath. And when we’re ready—when we decide—it can exhale. It’s that deep-down “you” who still wants more than just “getting through.”

Maybe you feel that, too?

Even if it’s only for a moment, start small. Sit with a cup of tea and allow yourself a choice—to make one moment in your day yours. Maybe you’ll blare your favourite anthem, go for a wild ride downhill on your bike, scream out a line from a song, or plunge into an ice bath that jolts every nerve awake.

Do something that reminds you of your own aliveness.

Grief will always be a part of you. But it doesn’t have to silence you.

What will you do tomorrow to bring a bit more life into your day?