Create a widowed Father's day that suits you.

For Widowed families the celebration of Father's day, also Mother's day for Widowers, comes with a long list of expectations, even before they died. Let's tackle some.

In our upbringing within Western culture, we've been accustomed to setting aside a day each year to honor our relationships with our parents – either our Dads or Mums. This day is an opportunity to express our love for them, acknowledge the qualities we admire, and convey gratitude for their care and support. But what happens when you're a widowed single parent? Navigating this occasion can bring about a sense of overwhelm, particularly when it comes to deciding how to honour the memory of your lost partner while considering what's best for your family.

For many widowed families, the uncertainty of how to honour their beloved partner's memory can be quite challenging.

Traditions: What about Father's Day?

However, let's keep it simple. While society may have general suggestions for celebrating Father's Day, remember that these ideas can still hold significance even though your partner is no longer physically present.

Considering the Kids' Desires

In my perspective, taking a moment to pause and contemplate what your children want to do on Father's Day is of utmost importance. Their preferences will be influenced by their individual grieving process and how they're progressing in terms of acknowledging the absence of their father – both physically and emotionally. Additionally, take into account activities they've resumed that were once shared with him.

Embracing Change and Expressing Emotions

Recognizing that each year moving forward can be approached and shared differently, the initial Father's Day after your partner's passing might be an outpouring of emotions, as your children attempt to recreate what was done the previous year. Feelings of guilt may emerge, questioning whether they could have made last year's commemoration better or taken a different path, if only circumstances were different. It's crucial to provide them a space to express these sentiments without judgment or shame. Even if your instinct is to dissuade them from these thoughts, remember that vocalizing such emotions is an essential form of release. Allow them to express regrets and disappointments – it's cathartic and ultimately, healing.

Opportunities for Learning

Father's Day can serve as an occasion to delve into stories about Dad. He may have possessed wisdom or embarked on adventures that could be shared, offering your children a deeper understanding of him and, consequently, themselves. I've found that recounting anecdotes that portray their father as fallible, humorous, adventurous, and inherently human brings joy and a sense of connection.

I also propose engaging your children in a conversation about subjects they might want to know more about, even if those topics have the potential to evoke painful memories. Not all fathers excel every day, and in the context of widowhood, there's a tendency to idealize the departed. If there were instances of negative behaviour that have now dissipated, addressing these aspects might help your children grapple with any feelings of relief mingled with guilt. Open dialogue is a valuable option in such situations.

You do You!

Irrespective of the jests exchanged at Father's Day stalls or the portrayals seen on TV, remember that your approach to the day doesn't have to conform to anyone else's. You might choose to shift the focus from last year's gift-giving to reminiscing through photographs and sharing favourite meals. As you navigate this day, take notice of any beliefs that arise and allow yourself to either set them aside or distance yourself if they're burdened with a sense of obligation. Families have diverse ways of observing Father's Day – some might spend it fishing, while others might engage in an epic sports event or brunch.

Preserving His Legacy, Embracing Emotions, and Celebrating His Impact

Maintaining the memory of your partner within the fabric of your family is absolutely acceptable. Embracing your emotions with an open heart is an act of kindness to yourself and your children, and it aligns with our biological need for processing grief. Celebrating his presence is a way of acknowledging the contributions he made to your lives. In the end, Father's Day is a reminder of the love, experiences, and lessons he shared, shaping your family in profound ways.